Observing Feelings

written by: Kosjenka Muk

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At the root of all immature behaviour is the urge to avoid unpleasant feelings. Practicing observing our feelings is the foundation of every work on self-improvement - as well as being one of the most natural, simple and actually pleasant methods employed in the area of self awareness. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is. You can practice this at every moment of the day, in most circumstances and situations - and not only won't your functioning in the world be disturbed; it will greatly improve.

Remember the moments when you felt in great danger: probably you felt like time was running much slower, your focus sharpened greatly and your actions became better coordinated than normally. This is a spontaneous increase of awareness - we can't continuously live in such state, but we can practice it consciously.

Just sit for 20 minutes a day and observe everything you feel, without analyzing, without holding to emotions - like standing in the river and feeling it flow, but not allowing the river to carry you away or even trying to stop it. Try to go back to this awareness whenever you can during your daily tasks. With time, you will notice an ever increasing ability to recognize subtle emotional signals.

Such a simple exercise can give profound benefits to your life as follows:

- intimacy with your own feelings and increased self-acceptance. Acceptance of feelings results with the loss of fear of unpleasant feelings (since you start to experience that you are able to cope with them better than you thought), and the linking of many sub-personalities into a whole;

- creation of a strong center of inner strength and trust in yourself; a feeling of peace and self-worth that can assist in taking risks and makes it easier to surmount the most difficult emotional crises of one's life;

- ability to function in the world with integrity, authenticity and centeredness, without the need to act or exaggerate, and less need for masks and robotical conditioned reactions. This is the foundation of creating quality relationships and positive attitude towards you of other emotionally mature people;

- ability to more quickly and clearly recognize and express one's own - sometimes very subtle - feelings and needs in communication with other people, even in situations in which the majority of people lose the inner centeredness and allow outer influences to govern their behaviour;

- ability to recognize subtle communication of other people through an increased awareness of the moment within a given situation, through observing other people's and our own reactions to the details of joint communication;

- a deeper and more aware presence within the now and greater ability to learn from each situation, thus using every moment in life to its fullest;

- strengthening of intuition due to the ability to notice and verbalize very subtle emotional impulses;

- increased creativity for the same reason as above;

- ability to recognize and follow the physical needs of our body (for food, movement, rest, etc.), as well as to recognize the impulse towards specific activities, in order to allow a harmonious and open existence and an increase in productivity. When one listens to the healthy messages of one's body and feelings, it is impossible to become lazy! My experience is that when I in fact follow this principle I often complete the greatest amount of work in the minimum amount of time, and at the same time I enjoy myself, in contrast to the rational control which makes many jobs seem imposed or burdensome;

- facilitated application of any method of self-improvement through a greater ability of introspection and increased consciousness, especially systems that explore repressed memories and subconscious mind;

- honesty to ourselves, dramatically reduced self-deception and unwanted behavioral patterns;

- ability to recognize and find pleasure within positive and pleasant feelings (the more we are aware of all our feelings, the more we are aware of the pleasant ones too; people who suppress their emotions and live in their rational minds are rarely able to fully enjoy themselves);

- feeling independent of other people and circumstances; feeling able to fulfill our needs instead of depending on others to do it and projecting to them our own responsibilities.

The results are hence worth the effort and time spent on them! You can start immediately without any foreknowledge or preparations. You don't need a specific space, equipment or setting - all you need is yourself and a will for long term continuous work on yourself.

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