Continuing Self-Improvement And External Action

written by: Kosjenka Muk

 

Most people take to work on self-improvement with a desire for results to occur overnight and with an orientation toward outer change instead of inner one, and in most cases advertising messages are what pulls them in this direction. Many people hope that with some technique they will create a new self without having to face up to (sometimes risky and scary) specific actions in outer life, eg, telling someone what bothers you (or perhaps what you like), or thinking up and bringing into fruition a plan to find or create a job... Moreover, as long as such action is looked upon as 'too heavy', too unpleasant, it usually means that you don't yet have enough motivation for change or - more commonly - that the real internal change is not achieved yet.

Outer life experience has a deep influence upon our subconscious and can be a sort of test on whether we have really learnt our specific life lessons.
One can say that if we could all do it 'within our heads' then there would be no need for to live in the material world. The blessing we often experience through difficulties is in fact that the material world uncompromisingly 'forces' us onto the path of development through often hard and demanding challenges in front of which sooner or later we will no longer be able to close our eyes.

It is up to us to decide whether or not we should 'take up the game' and truly live the challenge the world has given us, or to feel sorry for ourselves, saying life is simply too difficult to deal with. In the first case your life may in fact end up not being easy- especially in the beginning - due in the main to the fact that you will have to come to terms with a number of situations, decisions and choices that you would have previously tried to avoid or come to terms with much later in life. However, the wealth of experience, the intensity of living your life, and the greater trust and respect toward your self gives you the feeling of enjoyment of life that will lead to a rejection of the easier and simpler life path that so attractively come at a low price.

For example many people hope that how others act toward them will change if they do enough inner work, so they start to 'radiate differently' or start to feel better with themselves or the alike. In some easier cases this may truly occur. But, more commonly it shall not. This is in itself for us a challenge, as well as an opportunity, to face up to others through communicating our feelings, and all the fears, that come with it through taking up these more scary and risky choices.

My personal experience shows that this quite often occurs when I firmly decide to overcome my specific inhibitions and tell the other person what I have put off for a long time, often the other person truly spontaneously begins to act differently and hence there is no further need for confrontation. I must emphasize that this occurs exclusively when I truly and strongly decide to take that risk.Yet, in most situations, especially in the case of long term and important relationships, this is not enough and you will most likely and quite often need to invest a lot of your self, uncover your deepest and most illogical needs and beliefs, and risk misunderstanding and conflict. This is the process through which we grow the fastest as a human being and create a closeness, understanding and love for self and others.

There is no technique that we can use that is a magic wand and shield from the challenges of life. Techniques such as Soulwork Systemic Coaching for me, can help in resolving emotional and mental barriers, attaining inner experiences, feeling trust, motivating us as well becoming conscious of our own possibilities... but building new habits and active work on realising our goals can be done only from the depth of our being. More and more I feel how important concrete action in outer world is in completing any technique used in the process of self-development.
Without it we will never truly know whether or not we have changed or if we in fact only think about changing.

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© Kosjenka Muk

 

 

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